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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Not stirring the pot, BUT...

Someone just emailed this to me, and it explains exactly what I have been feeling about my stresses over kids soccer. I think of the "Good, Better, Best" talk in last falls General Conference. (forgive me, (YOU) who wrote this for publishing it without permission-- but it presents the perfect argument against involving our kids in sports-- and it written so well) CONTROVERSY!!

QUOTED VERBATIM (except where I changed a name)
My current philosophy is rather against sports. I know there are lots of arguments for it, but I just hate that it seems to be so competitive anymore. I mean, we start soccer leagues and baseball and football and all the assorted others so early. We have kids starting to play in organized sports at 4 and 5 years old. There is no way I am going to even think of doing that, yet if you don't, then all the other kids have a jump on your kids and they don't stand a chance of being anything more than benchwarmers. And maybe it all starts out as fun and games and teamwork and etc. but if you have been playing for 10 years by the time you start high school, then I can't believe there is much left of that fun and games and it's all about competition and getting scholarships and supporting your child's skills and maybe he or she could really go someplace with this and pretty soon, it becomes the most important thing in their lives. I know a family who felt like they were being so supportive of their daughter's love for playing basketball and they went to every game and signed her up for camps and I think she ended up even playing in college. But they look at where she is in her life now and realize that they unconsciously put such emphasis and importance on sports and supporting her in pursuing that dream, that they lost focus on teaching her about the things that have an eternal importance. She is completely inactive and they can't help but wonder if they put too much emphasis on something that was only going to be a temporary part of her life. I also look at (anonymous man's name) and his football stuff. He didn't start playing till jr high and high school and he showed a talent and his parents were very supportive and I think they lost focus of showing him what was really important in his life. He also has some real issues with competitiveness now. Don't get me wrong, I think competition can be useful and even helpful at times. However, once we start keeping score, it is really easy to start keeping score at everything and it becomes a way of measuring ourselves. A completely false way of measuring ourselves. Also, I think teenage years are quite important in for conforming patterns for the rest of our lives. We spend alot of time and energy establishing the patterns and beliefs we want our children to have when they are children and I think it is really easy to lose sight of the importance of confirming those priorities when kids are teens. We assume that they know and understand it and yet, if we don't continually affirm those things as priorities and eternal as opposed to the temporary things, it's really easy to fall into a pattern of thinking, well this thing, whatever it may be, is more important right now and it's okay to put the other stuff off for a while because we don't have time. And then there's something else. And something else.

So in conclusion to my long rambling thoughts on sports in general - they are fun and important skills can be learned but I think that you have to watch very carefully about what you are putting them in front of, even if it's just temporarily. If it's too much, then don't hesitate to cut it out of your life. Not only will it be important for you, if it's too much stress, but it will also set a very good example for your children in learning not to take on too many things, even if they are good things. And learning to say no and what to cut out when we realize things have become too hectic. Because let's face it - it has become far too common-place for us to over-burden ourselves and we sometimes don't know where or how to say no!"

4 comments:

Lotte said...

I'm going to add something else here (don't laugh, Sill!)

So we start doing these things for good reasons, great reasons even. We love our kids and they want to do it, so we want to show that we love and support them. However, going along with the two examples above, what we forget is what our children's understanding of our intentions are. Do our children understand that we love and support them as they play sports or chess or cheerlead or whatever, but mostly because they are a child of God and our child? Or have our intentions subconciously become misunderstood and turned into "My parents love me because I am a basketball star." Do our children understand that sports and dance and games and what-not are just things that we do?? Or has the way we have prioritized our lives around them, led to the confusion that those are the things that we are?? I think that teenage years are when we start really understanding who we are. If we aren't really careful about what we place as priorities, even temporarily, that understanding can easily become confused.

Anonymous said...

I agree with and really enjoyed this talk. As a primary President in a very depanding and small LDS area I think we need to take a good hard look at our priorities and the things that we committ to. As a mother I want my children to learn to be responsible and to follow through with a committment. So before saying we will do anything we need to evaluate if we can handle it to the finish. So many times I have been left with someone else's responsibility because it turned out to be to much for the other person. So then I have my own obligation and someone else's. (That frustrates me to know end) So before we sign up for something we take a good hard look at the pros and cons before hand to make sure that we can commit to the end. Life is stressful and I do believe we need to cut things that are stressing us out BUT I do believe that we need to do it before someone is counting on us. Even a sports team is counting on each player when they sign up to be at each game and practice to make it happen for everyone else. If everyone drops out before it is over than it leaves those who did committ disapointed. I think that we need to find the balance for our families and do what works best. I just want to teach my children to be responsible adults and stick things out (even when they do get rough)and not to take on things that they cannot handle. Isn't life interested all of the things we as parents have to take into consideration so that we do not leave our children confused and wondering why we do what we do. Parenthood what a big and overwhelming (at times) job.
Okay I will step down from my soap box. This is not intended to offend anyone but only to offer a point of view.

Denise

SILLYA said...

I agree with you Denis, I believe it is a very valuable lesson to teach our children-- alway finish what you started. I have no intention of pulling my children out mid-season, my only question is whether I will sign then up again for next season.

Anonymous said...

And maybe next year they will decide to do something different that will work with your schedule better.
Denise